Strength

Never been big, always been strong.
Strong for friends, for loved ones, for family.
Now that strength is failing.
Failing for those I love, failing for me.
So, so exhausted.


Exhausted past the help of sleep.
It’s a deeper force, an all consuming force,
pulling me down to places I wanted to forget,
places I’d hoped were behind me.
The road goes in circles it seems.

My heart hurts.
Broken in so many ways, so many times.
Can it really find a way to beat?
Beat the way it should?
So much forgotten, so much buried, ignored.
Now it returns.
Now it burns it’s way into my soul.
The pain is tangible.
It stabs into my heart.
what’s left of it.

Love: the double edged sword.
Cutting faster than I can heal.
Cutting through me, through those I love.
No discrimination, no mercy.
The love I held gently, now turned.
Feral.
In pain.
Defending itself against me.
I’m not the enemy.
At least I shouldn’t be.

Life is a blur.
Journeys take place with no recall.
Point A becoming point B.
Not sure how I got here.
Tears clouding my sight.
Exhaustion staining my face.
Flowing from me like blood,
but hurting more.
Taking my strength with it.
The river running dry.

Not a quitter.
Would probably be easier.
Just not how I’m programmed.
Doesn’t compute.
Instead I’ll crawl.
I’ll claw and scrape and fight.
I’ll do it for those I love.
Most of all I’ll do it for me
I deserve it.
I think.

Never been big, always been strong.
Never felt so weak…
but that’s ok.

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