Dear life it’s me

Dear life it’s me, we need to talk, there’s something I must say.
I know you may not want to hear it, but I’ll say it anyway.
Please understand, I say this from the bottom of my heart,
you need to know what we had is gone, it’s time for a new start.

We’ve been together a while now.
I’m 42 years young.
So when the hell am I going to get my foot off the first rung?
I try to make an effort and I try to do things right,
but all that seems to happen is I cry, or shout, or fight.

The plans I make, you undermine, you plot and plan and scheme,
and just as I think I have a chance, you trample on my dreams.
You make it hard to smile and you keep me on my toes.
Just as I gain some balance, you pile on yet more woes.

A breakage here, an argument, a crash or brake down next.
No wonder I can’t get it straight and people just get vexed.
I wish that I could suss you out, I think it would be nice.
To sit contented, at ease with you, a peaceful simple life.

But it seems that’s not my destiny.
The hard path I must take.
With twists and turns that bring me pain, I wish you’d give me a fucking break!
But no, I’ll now take things in hand.
I’ll gain control once more.
No matter what you throw at me I will not hit the floor.

My legs will walk, my heart will beat, I’ll keep my head held high.
I’ll control my future, till the day we say goodbye.
No more self pity, no more defeat, I will not let you win.
You will not bring me down, a new journey I now begin.

A journey that I take within, an adventure about me.
Who am I and what do I want? I’m interested to see.
For up till now I’ve looked away and put myself in last.
Now life, I face you head on, time to listen to the past.

For all throughout those years I mentioned, some lessons you laid out.
I barely seemed to hear you though, ignoring all my doubts.
Now my ears are open and I intend to study well.
The story of my life so far and the messages it tells.

I’ll learn to see for what they are, the mistakes and the triumphs too.
I’ll look to work out what went wrong and notice all your clues.
And even though I say this, please don’t think I wish to leave.
There’s so much here to stay for, in myself I must believe.

My children always come first, no matter what the cost.
At the same time though I need to find the man I know I’ve lost.
For once I’m going to focus on the person I once knew,
Me, myself and I,
Life, I’ll win,
whatever you do.

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