Pictures paint a thousand words. At night, alone, these say failure. The cold air hanging above the bed like a shroud to be avoided. All the while your face fills my eye-line. Your face and mine. Happy yet distant. A time past. An expensive venture become a painful reminder of what once was. I try…
What you see is not how I feel, My fears, my feelings I always conceal. Being strong for you is all that I know, now I don’t have to do it, I still struggle to show, the pain in my heart, the tears I hold back, knowing we’ll never just get back on track, and…
We knew it was coming, yet still there’s a sting. The outcome was forecast, But now its happening. Reality sets in and truth must be met. The end of “us” my lowest point yet.
As I turn my back on the empty space where you used to be, sleep abandons me to the cold void. My body exhausted, my mind races with no finish line in sight. Time is my enemy and my saviour. Years fly by me in a heartbeat as truths unfold in the dark of night.
“Please stop arguing and I wish we could be A proper family again”. The note you gave me, and your mum, as we sat, and we fought the old fight. A penny dropping hard from an extraordinary height. The thought that I’d had, that you’re coping so well, so far from the truth, it is…
No anchor to hold me, no sails to drive me, no rudder to steer me. Cast off into a sea of emotion, unable to find my way, unable to plot my course.
Broken. Pieces scattered. Some missing. Some gone for good. Holding as much together as I can. Still not enough to keep it in though.
Heart breaking. All my own work. 17 years flew by. Now they fly away. Hurt beyond words. Tears uncontrollable. As they should be.
Decision made. Heartbreak inevitable. Certain of only our love. Yet neither of us feeling it fully. Too much doubt and pain. The forest of our love killing us. Slowly blocking out the light. Dreams dying among the leaf litter.
Decision time. A choice to make. The right one please, for everyone’s sake. Try again? The battle of old? Or fight new battles? Let fate unfold.
The hardest nights are the ones where you’re here, but then you leave. When we laugh and we joke and we speak and we shout and we argue and we smile. When I’m reminded what family feels like. Then you go and the life leaves the house.
What to say? Where to start? Feel my life being torn apart. Love is painful, but a pain I crave. A lifeblood I struggle to keep or save.