So Tired

So tired, yet still I’m awake My head wants sleep that my heart won’t take. Too many thoughts, worries and fears. So many memories, so many years. Nothing is certain, stability gone. Everything changing, whether right or wrong. Time is the enemy, another year past, surely the next not as bad as the last? Our…

Outpouring

The feelings are overwhelming. Sadness, exhaustion, so tired. Tired of the past. Scared of the present. Unsure of the future. My emotions run riot. My thoughts joining them. Pushing them to breaking point. The things you don’t say ring loudly in my ears. The agreement we had worth nothing. All I want now is sleep….

Pictures 

Pictures paint a thousand words. At night, alone, these say failure. The cold air hanging above the bed like a shroud to be avoided. All the while your face fills my eye-line. Your face and mine. Happy yet distant. A time past. An expensive venture become a painful reminder of what once was. I try…

For the Best

What you see is not how I feel, My fears, my feelings I always conceal. Being strong for you is all that I know, now I don’t have to do it, I still struggle to show, the pain in my heart, the tears I hold back, knowing we’ll never just get back on track, and…

Friends

We knew it was coming, yet still there’s a sting. The outcome was forecast, But now its happening. Reality sets in and truth must be met. The end of “us” my lowest point yet.

1 Minute at a Time

As I turn my back on the empty space where you used to be, sleep abandons me to the cold void. My body exhausted, my mind races with no finish line in sight. Time is my enemy and my saviour. Years fly by me in a heartbeat as truths unfold in the dark of night.

A hand written note

“Please stop arguing and I wish we could be A proper family again”. The note you gave me, and your mum, as we sat, and we fought the old fight. A penny dropping hard from an extraordinary height. The thought that I’d had, that you’re coping so well, so far from the truth, it is…

Drifting

No anchor to hold me, no sails to drive me, no rudder to steer me. Cast off into a sea of emotion, unable to find my way, unable to plot my course.

Broken

Broken. Pieces scattered. Some missing. Some gone for good. Holding as much together as I can. Still not enough to keep it in though.

Endings

Heart breaking. All my own work. 17 years flew by. Now they fly away. Hurt beyond words. Tears uncontrollable. As they should be.