As I turn my back on the empty space where you used to be, sleep abandons me to the cold void. My body exhausted, my mind races with no finish line in sight. Time is my enemy and my saviour. Years fly by me in a heartbeat as truths unfold in the dark of night….
“Please stop arguing and I wish we could be A proper family again”. The note you gave me, and your mum, as we sat, and we fought the old fight. A penny dropping hard from an extraordinary height. The thought that I’d had, that you’re coping so well, so far from the truth, it is…
Heart breaking. All my own work. 17 years flew by. Now they fly away. Hurt beyond words. Tears uncontrollable. As they should be.
Decision made. Heartbreak inevitable. Certain of only our love. Yet neither of us feeling it fully. Too much doubt and pain. The forest of our love killing us. Slowly blocking out the light. Dreams dying among the leaf litter.
The hardest nights are the ones where you’re here, but then you leave. When we laugh and we joke and we speak and we shout and we argue and we smile. When I’m reminded what family feels like. Then you go and the life leaves the house.